There is this one uncomfortable feeling you get when you first walk into a hospital. There is an even more unbearable feeling when you know someone inside. I came rushing in after Jessica and Isabel got hit by a car on the way back to the office. It went by so fast…I couldn’t do anything but watch…and now, I’m back in the hospital again.
I was in a room with Jessica as she laid sleeping…I found myself in these crossroads in figuring out what I should do. Go back to work, stay here. I was lost, it seems like when the shit hits the fan, in my life, it splatters all over the place. I went down to the vending machines for a big of cookies or chips, something to fill my stomach. I reached down and opened the little door that brings me to the little baggy inside and get my treat. When I looked up, I saw a familiar face.
“Hey,” she said and I looked back and said: “Hi Victoria…”
I was speechless as I saw her in a wheelchair preparing to give birth, I assume. I asked how she was and she replied with a smile. We sat and chatted for a little bit…she told me how she moved back to the city that made all of her dreams come true. Her husband Carson came in. I introduced myself and told him that he was a very lucky man to land a girl like her. He smiled, gave me a handshake and told me that he’s heard a lot about me and was proud to name their son after me.
I was in shock to know that Victoria never forgot about me and would honor me by naming her son after me. I got a little teary eyed as they told me that…she kissed me on the cheek and gave me a big hug as they began to walk back to their room. But before she let go she whispered in my ear: “You’re the guy girls wait to marry.” It was one of the best compliments I ever had.
Even though Victoria broke my heart, even though she left…I was okay after she told me the things she did in that hospital. I was smiling a genuine smile. I went back to the room where Jessica was and I saw someone else I knew. Dr. Sheryl Wood, she was the person who treated me after Alana, and just so happened to be the doctor of Jessica as well. I smiled when I saw her and Jessica awake…everything was going to be okay i told myself. Sheryl left the room and I stayed their with Jessica for a while and talked to Jessica about work and life.
“Can I ask you something?” She said. I nodded. “With all of those stories you wrote I always wanted to ask you…have you ever been in love? I mean the type of love that these four letters couldn’t define…the true, real, genuine love?”
I was confused in what she was telling me and was speechless. I truly had no clue what to say. I looked back at her smiled and just nodded.
“I love to think so…” I said.
“How did you ever get over it?” She replied.
And I looked at her and her eyes began to water. I knew something was wrong. I told her: “Falling in love isn’t the hard part in a relationship, it’s the constant clawing out which hurts the most.” She told me all about her failed marriage with her cheating husband and asked me for advice. Jessica was a lovely person and she didn’t deserve a man who didn’t truly love her. She held on because there was some hope of her and him being the old them…the time where every kiss felt like the first kiss. I told her:
In the world of falling in love and living in romance, every moment matters. The little things are meant to keep you happy not frustrate you. You deserve someone who is going to be there when you want to do something new and he is there right next to you ready for anything. Someone who is going to hold your hand during moments that scare the hell out of you just so you know he is there. Someone who will make you smile even when the rain comes falling and your day seems all dark and grim. Someone who can truly, honestly and deeply say that he loves you. Jessica you deserve to smile and be happy.
I did the best I could and to me, what I said didn’t really mean anything…but she hugged me as if her life changed. In the end I felt like the only thing I told her was things she already knew. She held me tight a thanked me for the little pep talk I gave her. She didn’t tell me what she was planning to do, then again that is her story to finish not mine.
I went back to the vending area. I thought back to the moment I saw Isabel and thought of Gayle. I reached into my bag and took out the little book. I opened and the next page read…
Only through the pages of my journal can I truly say the things that I feel. Only through the beige colored sheets can I say how much I love him…how much I care for him…how much it hurts for me to lie to him. I can never tell him what is truly going on because I can never hurt him in such a way. My tears flow down my face as you can hear the sounds of my heart breaking before me. I love him…and always will. Today is the day I visit Dr. Wood…today is the day she tells me…please God give me a few more days with him…
The words on the page frightened me…please God give me a few more days with him…what does she mean? Where is she?
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